12-15-09

Two years ago, our beautiful oldest daughter asked to be tested with her sister's blood sugar meter.

In less than sixty seconds, our world was irrevocably changed.

And that is that.

Because at the exact moment of knowing that both of our children now were facing type 1 diabetes, we realized that there was only one choice.

Our choice was only one... which was to pick ourselves up and make the best of every moment.

Our world is full of diabetes and we know we can't run away or hide from it.  We have to accept it's existence.  Even when days go terribly wrong or perfectly right, we are still living with diabetes.

In learning that she had been diagnosed with type 1, sometimes people would ask my oldest daughter if she could remember what it was like before diabetes came to be.  She was after all, 8 years old.  Plenty of time to remember a childhood without pokes and checks. 

She used to say "yes". Sometimes even referring to wondering what it was like for her younger sister who had been diagnosed as a toddler.  Although our oldest daughter had grown up with diabetes, she didn't really understand it until she, herself, was actually diagnosed.

I happened to be with her during the last time someone asked her that same question; Do you remember what it was like before you had diabetes?

Imagine my surprise when she simply said no.

"No."

"What?"  I asked surprised.

"No.  I used to know but now it is just foggy.  Should I remember?"

I thought about that for a few days.  Should she remember what it was like?  Does it matter?  Is it better that she forget life without diabetes?  Or should she try to remember so that she grows up with empathy and compassion for understanding others struggling with life change? 

And then with a hope that I dared only think of to myself... yes, you should know so that you understand how to re-enter life once a cure is found.

Again, there is no real answer for any of my questions.  It just is what it is.  Her memory is fading of life prior to diabetes and yet, she is still growing up into a lovely, beautiful, strong and smart young lady.  Diabetes or not, she is so much more than a diagnosis and I am sure that she will be the person of strength that others seek out for a hug or two. 

By choice, we are letting the memories fade and by choice, we are replacing them with new happy ones.

Two years later and all I see is one very amazing person.  I am so proud that she is my daughter.