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My darling daughters are back at school this morning. After two weeks of having them next to me for every waking moment, my heart (and mind) filled with dread at the thought of returning them back to school.
It isn't because their school is a terrible place. Actually, for standards of type 1 diabetes care, it is actually very good. There is an aide who has become a grandmother for the girls at the elementary school as well as multiple students with type 1 diabetes in oldest daughters classroom. With such kind and caring people surrounding the girls everyday, I know that when I send them off to school, they will be fine.
But I don't really know that.
Simply because the nature of type 1 diabetes is so dramatic that a new blood glucose number could appear out of nowhere. Skyrocketing to 400 and crashing to 40 is not only possible, but plausible as well.
Bad blood glucose happens no matter who is charge and no matter where you are.
This I know.
Somehow, having it happen under my watch is easier than having it happen away from home. I just feel better seeing and correcting it while under my watchful eye.
This is not reality.
The reality is that I have to trust that others (and my daughters) will actively manage diabetes to the level that I have instructed and keep both of my darling daughters happy and healthy, maybe even thriving, while I am not there.
The hardest part for me as a mother is to manage my terror code orange and to continue on throughout the day and not let that ever-present diabetes monster slink into my mind causing undue worry, stress and grief about my darling daughters while they are back at school.
In any case, I know that today I will carry my cell phone for the first time in two weeks with the ringer on high.
Because this is my single most effective tool for dealing with the terror code orange. If it doesn't ring, than my girls are fine...
And so am I.
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